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Thread: The Story of Temtesh Bay

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    Goldstar Advancements Obital Defence Platform 'Sentinel Station'
    PSN ID
    kingpin123455
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    Post The Story of Temtesh Bay

    This is a one-shot fanfic about the Temtesh Bay Disaster and my first ever fanfic so please keep the critisims to a minimum. WipEout is the sole property of Sony Computer Entertainment. All I own is this Fanfic.

    The Story of Temtesh Bay

    It is the 17th August 2164, during the fifth race of the F9000 Anti-Gravity Racing League. 4 racers have already been eliminated on the Temtesh Bay Medium Course. Piranha are currently in the lead with both FEISAR's behind them on the first lap. The FEISAR's fire their new Super Missiles at the leaders whilst in the mines when suddenly... The mines start to collapse on top of them. The FEISAR's stopped to pickup the Piranhas who had just been eliminated when the whole mine fell on top of them. All the teams that were in the mines when they collapsed were traped for three days. The only reason they survived was because their ships had ration kits onboard. After they were rescued, everyone found out that six racers had died in the mines. The F9000 race commission anounsed that the Temtesh Bay track would be closed for investigation. Since then, the track has remained closed and the investigation is still going. There were many rumours about what happened. The official story to date it that it was caused by the FEISAR super missiles, however, some believe that it was caused by some explosive gases the walls of the mines that caused the cave in whereas others believe that it was caused by some Anti-Gravity Purity Coalition extremists with mining charges who were trying to prove that the track was unsafe. But for now, the cause of the cave in is still unknown.

    Sorry for the short fanfic. Like I said earlier, this is my first fanfic so please keep the criticism to a minimum. Thanks.
    Last edited by kingpin12345; 4th January 2015 at 09:54 PM. Reason: Missing credits to game owners.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    Goldstar Advancements Obital Defence Platform 'Sentinel Station'
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    kingpin123455
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    Default

    Guys, you can criticise me. Just make sure that they aren't too harsh.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Germany, North-Rhine Westphalia
    Timezone
    GMT + 1
    PSN ID
    JonnydotB
    Posts
    1,295

    Default

    It is indeed a bit to short for a one-part-story.
    Also, I think that you descibe some things not enough (e.g. why do the ships have ratio kits onboard?).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Goldstar Advancements Obital Defence Platform 'Sentinel Station'
    PSN ID
    kingpin123455
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Like I said. It's my first attempt at a fanfic. The reason why ships have ration kits is that if a ship flys way off course, the pilot will survive if their ship doesn't explode as it can take a few for a rescue that is off the course. They can also be used if there is a major incident on the track like the cave in mentioned in the story.

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