The cringe is strong with this one... Jesus christ, what was my 13-year-old self thinking?
Printable View
The cringe is strong with this one... Jesus christ, what was my 13-year-old self thinking?
One-armed waiters..... they can take it but they cant dish it out
If your parents didn't have kids, chances are you won't either.
Lol that was funny.
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch:D
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live....
deleted
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It may take me a while to get hard, I just got laid :lol
Hahaha, I'm liking that one.
Okay, my turn:
My mother always told me that a good man is hard to find.
By that logic, Osama Bin Laden is the finest man to have ever lived.
Too soon?
That's wicked Jav. :D heck well funny.
Mhday :D by that logic I'd have to agree too lol I didn't know Saddam was a sex symbol for a while. Must of been the tash. :D by that logic lol
LOL. Keep them coming! im writing these down haha!
Good thread:D
I've decided to take the day off today.
I'm just going to call it to.
:g
Found more:
Currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor.
I'm in it for the long hall.
If you're reading this, it means the DeLorean has crashed and I'm still stuck in 1885.
I asked my grandmother for something Cuban for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar.
A cross dresser just got run over outside my house.
What a drag.
"Wolfgang Mozart!" said Mozart's friend.
"What?" said Mozart.
And then they were both eaten by a gang of wolves.
I'll be here all week! :D
Whahahaha laughing my ass of here! Jav :+
I'm not too much of a joke guy myself, but I remember this one because of the Mozart joke:
Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?...
Because it was Haydn :g
Nice! i like jokes and 1 liners, apart from Wipeout its something we all have in common!
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone...
deleted
deleted
Uranus. 'Nuff said.
From wikipedia:
Why do we still have troops in Germany?
Ans:To keep Russians in Czech.
Where do mathematicians go to during the weekend?
Ans:A Mobius Strip club
:P
MyNameIsBom, as long as your not planning on being a priest or a nun or locking yourself in a room i think you will be fine! after all your still young.
and to answer your question,
osama is always hiding from the the law, so he is hard to find. 'a good man is hard to find' I think iv explained that ok?
osama bin laden=hiding from law
hiding from law=hard to find
good men=hard to find
∴OBL=good man
got to love equations
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
yea! :g
What do you call a Chav in a white shell suit?
The Bride.
Did I ever tell you guys the joke about the dustbin?
Actually I won't. because it's really rubbish.
.....yea. I heard that when I was 5 years old. :g
-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why won´t shrimp share? Because they´re a little shellfish!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?
If men ruled the world.... Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
I don't eat meat, I eat only Vegetarian.
"I don't eat meat because I love animals, I don't eat meat because I hate plants."
LoL, talking of vegetarians, I have seen in a supermarket vegetarian sausages, bacon rashers and "beef style" vegetarian burgers.... WTF why do vegetarians want to eat things that look like meat??? whats next... vegetarian chicken legs and vegetarian pork chops?? haha, iv never understood vegetarians... if your vegetarian take off those leather shoes and that woollen fleece lol. :brickwall
What do you do if you see your ex, running around in your front yard covered in blood and screaming for help?
Stay calm.
Reload.
Try again.
deleted
Comic sans walks into a bar
barman: sorry don't serve your type here...
:g
Lol, that typeface is terrible. xD
I was in in the public restroom - I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other cubicle:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed), "Doin` fine"!
Man: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I`m like you, just sitting here".
Man: "Can I come over?"...
Me: (attitude) "No, I`m a little busy right now"!!
Man: "Listen, I`ll have to call you back. There`s an idiot in the other cubicle who keeps answering all my questions" :lol
Pahahahahahahahaha xD
Awks. :P
1.My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
2.The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Two elephants walk off a cliff
Boom boom
Wonder Woman assures that she has an invisible aircraft. Heroine things.